FAUX PAIN; part 1: The Roorkee-ian Dream!

It’s a fine morning. Naaahh not so fine actually, it’s burning out there. I just can’t get to sleep well, it’s so uncomfy and it’s been just five minutes into the class. I woke up and realized that SC is on full power. Man, doesn’t he love that board! I guess he married the blackboard, divorced it (as a friend puts it “just like that”) and then married it again.

I looked around and saw “Sasha” sitting next to me, having a “Technorgasm” with his Lappy (pun not intended!). Ooh I guess he’s married linux a zillion + 10 times. And there’s the “ghissu” (Which to the less enlightened ones means . . . well someone who’d kill (Naaah he doesn’t have the guts to kill, he’ll probably run away!) to get a CGPA greater than or equal to 10.0), whose name rhymes with PRONDY and was derived from birth control. This guy's living up to his name, he’s “recharging” (Ooh btw he’s quite well known for this) and preparing for the next wave of ghissai. Ghiss your way to damnation my friend! Then there’s Lisa (this is a very hasty name concocted by just changing just one character of his real name) the “scribbler”, he’s tryin to invent a new font to write the words |))!|2[3]  $+|24!+$, well Sasha disapproves this ‘cuz he just hates anything not in Terminal/System font. And finally there’s Mr Undies (Actually his real name is a euphemism for undies and it contains three characters from my name, when spelt backwards). He’s . . . well showing off his wares (pun intended), he’s doing that a lot these days (I seriously think he’s a wannabe “Jham Nam”). Dude nice (dog chewed?) briefs you’ve got there!

I glanced at my watch (in this case mobile phone) and realized that it’s been just six minutes into the class (six minutes and thirty four seconds exactly!). I’m so bored that I can literally feel an oil well on my head. I guess SC's doing his job very well (assuming his job is to make us commit “seppuku” scary movie 3 style!).

I guess I have no other choice than to dwell upon the planet’s last remaining energy source, which some people refer to as beer/Baywatch, but for me, Sasha and someone who goes by the name “Mister” it’s called “Doom!”. Thus I find myself in the UAC’s Mars based research facility about to open the doors of sector 7 (a euphemism for the gateway to hell :D ) . . .  Do we dare ???   Yes we do!!!

I was viciously fighting the “cyber demon” with a Big F***ing Gun when I heard two cynical words “Heat Exchanger” . . . Whoa wait a minute that’s not SC it’s RB! Where the hell did he come from! I look up and there he is, standing like a diminutive little impling. Apparently he (as well as SC) has already taken the attendance with me marked as ABSENT! Now what the hell am I supposed to do, I reflect for a while and I resume playing Doom. Finally (and thankfully) I saw RB concluding the lecture (Now here’s a chance to get back at least one of my attendances. . . Yay!) When he said ” I’m sorry to say that Mr Teja has attendance short and he is not allowed to write the end semester examination” (Dude, If you’re sorry then why don’t you just make me write the damn exam!). I lit up a cigarette and started arguing with him, when I suddenly realized that we aren’t supposed to smoke in class. I glanced at Sasha and yep he’s still having a “Technorgasm” with his lappy! But aren’t we not supposed to bring our lappy’s to the class! I look around and see Adriana Lima, when did she start studying at IITR! (I wish! Sigh!) I suddenly realize that I’m having a dream (good God! the most merciful one)

I wake up and yep there he is! SC is still on full power, the “ghissu” is still recharging, Sasha’s still having a “Technorgasm”(well now it’s with his phone), Lisa’s still scribbling and Mr Undies is  . . . Well he’s still displaying his “wares” (again pun intended!)

Apparently SC's giving us a problem (He’s already written a big sieve analysis on his beloved black board), which I don’t have the slightest mood to solve. As I was rejoining my party with the planet’s last remaining energy source, I heard SC say”you have to submit the solutions in the next class, Thank You”. We all suddenly started shouting”Sir, Attendance!” to which he replied “Attendance! (I bet he’d be fillin the gap with something like “Aww, Crap!” in his mind), I’ll mark everyone present, don’t forget to submit the solutions!” Quasi Cumulative Analysis anyone???

 

PS: All characters in this blog are NOT fictional; any relation to any person living or dead is purely NOT coincidental!

PPS: I expect severe repercussions from the major characters in this blog, I just wanna make them clear that “I DON’T GIVE A DAMN!”.

PPPS: Why do people write these post scripts?

PPPPS: Why am I writing these post scripts?